#joeconsumesmedia - January 11, 2024
Here we are, another week and another boatload of movies and TV shows ready to be reviewed. Yes, it’s time for a new #joeconsumesmedia!
One minor note before I get started - I’ve been doing these reviews for over two years now, and I’m thinking about making some changes to the format. Some are coming later, but starting now, I’m doing away with the notes about where all of these things are streaming. Things change so quickly, it hardly matters anymore. If you’re interested in watching anything I review, there are websites that will tell you where movies are available, or you can ask me directly.
THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE - When I was younger and knew nothing about this movie, I was under the assumption that it was a farce. A story about a boat that flips upside-down? With Ernest Borgnine and Red Buttons and Grandpa Joe from Willy Wonka? I wouldn’t have believed you if you told me it wasn’t a comedy. Turns out, it’s a pretty effective disaster movie. The danger feels real, and the performances are strong. The premise still feels a little silly, but it was satisfying to see how exciting this 50-year-old movie can still be.
WONKA - I did not want to see Wonka. Like most people, I have a lot of love for the original Gene Wilder film, and I wisely never bothered with the Johnny Depp version. The trailers for this one all looked awful, but it’s directed by the same guy who made the brilliant and delightful Paddington movies, so maybe it wasn’t as bad as it seemed? My prediction was that, aside from Timothy Chalamet’s miscasting, I’d like the movie fine. But no, I hated everything about it. The performances were wooden, the songs were forgettable, and worst of all, it misunderstands everything about what made the first movie interesting. This was easily one of the worst movies of the past year.
TOP SECRET! - I’ve been moderately interested in seeing more of these Airplane-style spoofs from the era, in part because there was a time when these were some of the funniest movies out there, before the genre would implode on itself. Recently, I’d seen a few clips from Top Secret that were real funny, and I wanted to see if the rest of the movie held up as well. It’s no Airplane, but I liked it fine. For every five jokes that fly by, there’s one that lands relatively well. The story really kills the momentum, as it’s both forgettable and hard to follow. Glad I watched this, but I don’t imagine ever watching it again.
POOR THINGS - Last year, I made a point to watch as many Yorgos Lanthimos films as I could find. I was a huge admirer of his later movies, but I found the his early stuff was just too weird and non-linear for me. Thankfully, Poor Things is more like his later stuff, substituting his earlier nonsensical elements for quirky and inventive visuals and character choices. All that made for a unique and unpredictable film, and the icing on the cake was the feminist and forward-thinking rhetoric. Pretty incredible for a Frankenstein analog.
MAESTRO - Lots of Oscar buzz for this movie that seems to be made specifically to win Oscars. I went into this film without much love or knowledge about Leonard Bernstein, and I didn’t exactly leave with much more. I assume that if you’re a Bernstein fan, the movie would have a lot more resonance. Bradley Cooper is becoming a really good director, but I wish he’d cast anyone else in the lead role. He seems to have put in the work, but I couldn’t get over the cartoonish voice and the insulting prosthetic. This was the cinematic version of a shrug.
WAYNE’S WORLD - I was raised by the Wayne’s World movies, and I have nothing but love for them. But also, I haven’t rewatched them in many, many years. Does the original hold up? Honestly, it does. Some of the humor is very catchphrasey, leaning too hard on shtick. But when it’s funny, it’s still really funny. It’s a shame Mike Meyers is supposedly a jerk in real life, because I would’ve loved to have seen these movies continue for a while longer. But as it is, I’m glad we have the ones we do.
MAY DECEMBER - Any story that involves an illegal and immoral relationship between a child and adult is bound to be unsettling, even if it takes place twenty years after the fact. Showcasing that subject must not have been easy, but all three lead actors in the film did a terrific job. No one seems completely innocent, and no one gets through it without sacrificing a bit of their soul. As captivated as I was throughout, I don’t think they nailed the landing. But the plot isn’t why you see a movie like this - it’s the performances, all of which are great.
THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO - After seeing The Killer earlier in the year, I decided that I wanted to see more David Fincher films. I know his track record isn’t perfect, but I can make that call myself. I didn’t hate this movie - it had some really compelling scenes and good performances. But it was far too long, with unnecessarily brutal sexual assault scenes, and a plot that left me with a few too many questions. But I can see why people love those books, and the movie had potential to kick off a franchise. But yeah, one is more than enough.
BEING JOHN MALKOVICH - This was one of my favorite movies after it came out, and I got to see it on the big screen for the first time since 1999. And man, it holds up so well. The premise is bonkers, and the movie does a terrific job at exploring the many ways it could pan out. But mostly, I was pleased to revisit how funny the movie is. It’s also pretty ahead of its time when it comes to things like gender, using a lot of language and concepts that we wouldn’t be freely talking about for another couple decades. It’s also a great example of a supervillain origin story, which we don’t expect from a ‘90s era John Cusack. I still really love this movie, and it was a joy to get to revisit.
WHAT IF…?, season 2 - This animated Marvel series had some good and some bad episodes in its first season, but the premise was strong enough to keep me interested no matter what. It’s just a series of done-in-one stories that reference continuity, but don’t actually have any effect on the larger continuity. Plus, the stories become unpredictable, since they don’t necessarily need to have happy endings. The second season had a better success record than the first, but it also (for the most part) didn’t take as many big swings. I really enjoyed the new season, and I wish there was more like it, especially at a time when the overabundance of Marvel content makes me less interested in watching stuff that’s intrinsically tied to the main storyline.
MAD MAX 2: THE ROAD WARRIOR - I watched the first Mad Max movie a couple years ago for the first time, and I was not impressed. But seeing the trailers for Furiosa, I thought it might be worth trying the franchise again to try and discover the seeds that made Fury Road so good. Turns out… the second movie isn’t very good either. I was expecting more steampunk in the desert, but it was more about a cop with no personality fighting some bikers. It’s dystopian, but not quite post-apocalyptic. And at times, it’s painfully mundane. Despite that, I’m still considering watching Beyond the Thunderdome, holding out the slightest bit of hope that I can find the missing link between the early and modern day Mad Max films.
RELAX, I’M FROM THE FUTURE - After the recent disappointing news that Our Flag Means Death is canceled, I decided to watch this weird movie starring Rhys Darby. It’s about a guy who shows up in modern day claiming to be from the future. It’s refreshingly low budget and simple, focusing more on the silly scenarios than the sci-fi. It’s not genius, and it certainly won’t become a classic, but it’s pretty fun. Of course, Darby’s talent at being an overly confident idiot goes a long way. If we can’t get more of him as a gay pirate, I hope we’ll see more of him taking on weird roles like this in the future.